Rio Rancho Film Reviews: Troy Duffy

Films of the Decade: Crime

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Top Five Crime Films

5. Sexy Beast

Ben Kingsley may get most of the plaudits for playing the shouty psychopath Don Logan, but Ian McShane plays the most chilling villain here. Fucked in the arse by a banker during an orgy, he decides to fuck the guy in return by robbing his bank. Basically the film isn’t about Ray Winstone and Ben Kingsley, it’s about a homoerotic power struggle between a banker and a hood. Everything else is just garnish, even though it’s wonderful garnish. The dialogue in particular is a joy to behold.

4. Narc

A fairly straight forward cop movie that is elevated by some incredible performances and by the gritty filmmaking, it takes the good cop/bad cop cliché to the extreme. Both Jason Patric and Ray Liotta raise their game and give career best performances. It was such a great film that I had very high hopes for Joe Carnahan…but then he made Smokin’ Aces…and has The A-Team in the can. But at least this film kicks ass.

3. No Country For Old Men

An excellent adaptation of the wonderful Cormac McCarthy novel, No Country For Old Men is a modern western dressed up as a crime film. It’s all about the conflict between good and evil. But what makes the film so special is how resigned it is. No matter what we do, there’s always going to be evil in the world; evil that doesn’t make sense. And even though we usually start our lives with the belief that understanding will come with age, the opposite usually occurs. The more we live, the less the world makes sense. In addition to this, No Country For Old Men also features some amazing set-pieces. The whole film is wracked with an incredible amount of tension.

2. Zodiac

David Fincher’s most mature film, Zodiac is a bleak serial killer film that leads the characters and audience through several blind alleys. There’s no clean resolution and it’s never 100% clear who the murderer is. But even though most of the ‘action’ happens at the frontend of the film, it always remains fascinating viewing. This isn’t a film about a killer and the killer being brought to justice. It’s a film about obsession and the human need for answers. A man practically ruins his life just to try and find out who a serial killer is. One scene beautifully illustrates his plight – a San Francisco skyscraper gets built and the landscape of the city changes as the man remains locked in the past. Without answers, he can’t move forward and without moving forward he can’t hope to live a meaningful life. He’s as much a victim of this killer as anyone.

1. Gomorrah

The complete opposite of most gangster films, Gomorrah doesn’t have a single shred of glamour. The people here are horrible, rotten individuals and the film has none of the sheen of a Scorsese or Coppolla epic. Instead it makes for grim, depressing viewing – the people here are caught in the web of organised crime and there’s no way out. Split into different stories, the most captivating is that of two young bozos who steal some mafia guns. Filled with dreams of Scarface and the glory of a violent death, they exemplify everything that is wrong with the movie-filled conception of what it is to be a gangster. Gangsters aren’t glamorous and they’re not people to emulate. They’re rotten lowlifes who don’t value human life and who worship greed. Their lives are cheap and disposable. Another excellent thread is the one that deals with a corrupt businessman who dumps toxic waste onto a future building site. Now Naples is literally a toxic waste dump instead of just being a metaphorical one.

Five Worst Crime Films

5. Gone Baby Gone

A promising beginning soon gives way to utter nonsense as a conspiracy concerning the kidnapping of a young girl unfolds. The twists and turns are completely ridiculous and don’t feel organic at all. I mean, an apparently benevolent police chief who turns out to be a bastard who kidnaps children. This is schlocky film bullshit of the highest order.

4. Cassandra’s Dream

With the brilliant Crimes and Misdemeanours, Woody Allen has proved that he can make an excellent crime movie. Sadly, though, with Match Point and Cassandra’s Dream, his touch deserted him. Both are fairly awful experiences, with Cassandra’s Dream being the worst of the two. Starring Ewan McGregor and Colin Farrell as two fuckwit brothers, they’re lured into killing a poor sap by their malevolent uncle. It’s painful to watch McGregor and Farrell struggling to pull off a convincing London accent and both characters are Forrest Gump stupid. Therefore the supposed tragic ending ends up being unintentionally hilarious.

3. The Boondock Saints

An inept film in every regard, The Boondock Saints features some of the most abysmal writing and directing known to man. The structure of the film basically revolves around Willem Defoe twatting about at a crime scene and firing his fingers like guns as we get to see the crime replayed to us. If it were done once, it would be tolerable, but its not. And then you have the central characters. All of them are reprehensible wankers but we’re somehow supposed to look up to them. Plus they slaughter loads of people in the name of god. Fuck these arseholes, fuck this film and fuck the cult that has sprung up around it.

2. Base-moi

Kind of like Natural Born Killers with French lesbians. And like that film, it’s utter shit. Grannies give blow-jobs and a man gets a gun rammed up his arse. It’s another one of those murderous lovers on the run films that had me wishing that I could walk into the film with a gun and kill the characters just so that I could end the pain.

1. Get Carter

I can understand the desire to remake Get Carter. Mike Hodge’s seminal gangster film, while quintessentially British, is easily translatable. It really shouldn’t be that hard to update it and transport it to America. But sadly, the filmmakers here change everything about the film that makes it unique. They take an incredibly tough film and try and make it audience friendly. It’s a watered down version of Get Carter. And the casting of Stallone is a stupid decision. Carter isn’t meant to be a beefcake. He’s supposed to survive with his intelligence and ruthlessness. Basically you’ve taken a cobra and turned him into a pitbull. And even worse, this pitbull has had all its teeth removed and they’ve put a muzzle on it. It’s a textbook example of how not to do a remake.

Harvey Weinstein

Overnight

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Troy Duffy is a cunt. Just watch Overnight. In it he bullies film executives, record producers, band members and friends. He’s a colossal prick. But even worse than this, he thinks he’s some sort of genius. He thinks he’s a great musician and filmmaker.

Validating Duffy’s delusion is the fact that Miramax buys his script for The Boondock Saints. Thinking he’s the next Tarantino, they give him $300,000 for the script, they hand him the reigns to direct the movie (with a $15m budget), they allow him to produce the soundtrack with his band, he gets to approve casting and is allowed final cut, and the final part of the deal is that Miramax will buy his bar (prior to getting into film, he’s a bartender and bouncer), which he and Harvey Weinstein will co-own. It’s a great deal. It’s an amazing deal. It’s a deal that’s out of this world. Only a moron could fuck it up.

Well, Troy Duffy is that moron. Given this great deal, he proceeds to abuse and alienate everyone around him. So much so that a film that initially starts out as a loving document to his talents ends up being a character assassination.

One of the first things we hear from Duffy’s lips is that friendship is the most important thing in the world to him. Therefore one could assume that, despite the rough edges, he’s an honourable guy. Nothing could be further from the truth. In one ball-shriving scene he refuses to pay his friends who had operated for a long time as the managers of his band. He says they don’t deserve any money. His friends then point out all the time they spent managing the band – all the effort they put into it. Duffy then changes his mind and says that they do deserve the money. But at the same time he says he’s still not going to give it to them. This he says to people who are in financial problems because of him. People who have broken their back for him. And then he has this to say to one of them: ‘I don’t care how you feel. Fuck you!’ What a cunt.

But this actually isn’t the first record deal that The Brood receive (yes, that’s the ridiculous name of Duffy’s band). Earlier on Maverick Records sign them up sight unseen. But just when you’re slapping your head at the stupidity of Madonna’s label, Duffy fucks up and pisses them off. He then rants and raves and says the label is scared. He says they’re scared of how good the The Brood are. What the fuck? If Duffy is right then he’s saying that the label are scared of making shitloads of money? Yeah, makes perfect sense.

But eventually the band get signed to Atlantic Records, which leads to the argument over money with the former band managers (who, incidentally, are the makers of this documentary). The moment when the band is signing their contract and receiving their money in cash is pathetic. They’re like dogs begging for scraps.

But thankfully the album has a happy ending. Despite proclaiming that, ‘This group, I believe, has more potential to put more creativity on the table than probably any other seven men in the history of this fucking town’, Duffy’s band only sells 690 copies…after being in stores for six months!

And yet earlier in the film, when they’re recording, Duffy wonders why his fellow band members haven’t been coming up to him and shaking his hand for securing the deal. He even says that the album isn’t a group effort. He says it’s all down to him – without him, there’s nothing. So surely that means that the album’s failure is his and his alone? Maybe his fellow band members should line up and take turns punching him in the face.

But Duffy’s film fares just as well as his album. It’s dumped in five theatres for one week and makes $25,000. It’s pathetic even for Duffy.

However, I’m sure Duffy would have lots of explanations for this. You see, after getting a great deal with Miramax, he proceeds to piss them off to such an extent with his bitching and moaning and ridiculous demands that they pull out. Therefore the film is financed independently. Of course this doesn’t concern Duffy, who says that when the film is made and Miramax want back in, they can pay their way back in. But when it comes to selling the film, nobody wants a part of it. Most of the time I’d be appalled that a filmmaker could be blacklisted and that the industry would conspire against him, but here it makes me happy. Duffy is man who was given a great chance to prove himself. All he had to do was shut his fucking mouth and get on with things. Instead he acted like an arsehole and tried to throw his weight around. Hell, at one point, before he’s even shot a foot of film or recorded one note of his album, he says that he’s gone straight from a bartender and surpassed everyone – he’s already right at the top. Only an idiot could think that way – don’t you have to have produced something first to be at the top? Therefore the film’s awful distribution deal had me grinning like a loon.

I’m also kind of amused by the way the makers of the documentary try and fuck Duffy over. In one scene we see Duffy bemoan his ability to find a decent girl – he just wants to find a nice girl he can settle down with. We then cut to some sleazy footage of a drunk Duffy getting girls to show him their tits. The film never tries to be objective and is all the more entertaining for it.

Unfortunately, though, there is a black cloud that hangs over me. The Boondock Saints became a cult hit. There are many people who love it (fuck knows why – it’s awful). But just when I feel low I remember that Duffy isn’t a profit participant in the cable and DVD sales – he just got a lump sum of money. Therefore Duffy doesn’t make a cent out of the film’s success in the home market. How brilliant is that? Other people are making money out of this guy’s shitty film. And even better than that, we find out that Duffy spent all his money – the final image is of a bald Duffy lying on the sidewalk outside his bar. It’s true, Hollywood stories do always have a happy ending.

Billy Connolly

The Boondock Saints

Friday, December 07, 2007

What a lovable pair the MacManus brothers are. They're Irish, they're religious and they horse about at work, hitting each other in the face with pieces of raw meat. What cracking fellows. Oh, and in their spare time (surprise, surprise) they drink a lot. The only problem is that some Russian Nikolai Volkov look-a-likes want to buy their favourite bar. They can't be having this, so they beat the guys up and set one bloke's arse on fire. It's just a bit of crack. However, the Russians don't see the funny side. The day after this incident they chain one brother to the toilet and take the other down to the street to kill him. But then the chained brother frees himself, and from the top of the apartment building looking down onto the alley, he drops the toilet down onto the head of the Russian shooter, a man who is cackling like a cartoon villain, and then jumps several stories down onto the other, hitting him with remarkable precision. Then the other brother beats the Russians to death with fragments of the toilet. As if it needed stating, the film is a piece of shit.

Watching The Boondock Saints is kind of like performing a DIY lobotomy. You begin the experience as a normal human being, but by the end you're a drooling, shambling, glassy-eyed zombie. It's just a shame it's so hard to find someone to put a pillow over your face once the credits have rolled.

But what makes the film so bad? Well, the idiotic morality doesn't help. Apparently it's okay to kill people as long as you think they're evil and as long as you believe in god. But what constitutes evil? Well, instead of going after politicians, corporations and religious leaders, the brothers decide to kill gangsters. Well, fair enough, they're bad guys, but the brothers themselves aren't any better. They manhandle women, they terrorise priests and their best mate gropes the breasts of an unconscious woman. Wow, these are such great guys. However, their dumb mate makes up for the groping by slaughtering more wicked men. So that makes it alright, then.

But their dumb mate, a 'reformed' Italian gangster, also threatens his girlfriend with a gun. Remember, he's on the side of the righteous. And earlier on in his life, he stood by and watched a man slaughter an entire family. Of course, this non-response is justified by him being scared. However, at the very beginning, a priest says that the indifference of good men is just as bad as the evil of wicked men. Therefore, with this bloke turning a blind eye to violence and then embracing it, he's surely doubly evil.

Another stupid moral detail is that the brothers are supposedly protecting the Irish community. Yet this is a community, in the film, that is proud of not talking to the police. That's more indifference. So why should I give a tinker's fart about a community that wont help itself and which takes pride in allowing gangsters (the church is certainly included in this, as they're the biggest gangsters of all) take control of their lives?

But the most dubious piece of morality occurs at the end. The two brothers and Billy Connolly terrorise a court while spouting religious claptrap. Apparently they're right and you're wrong. You have to do what they say. "These are not polite suggestions. These are codes of behaviour." So do I get shot if I use prophylactics? I mean, the Pope hates those things and he's god's messenger on Earth.

But although I could spend ages ripping the religious nonsense to shreds, the film also fails spectacularly in terms of entertainment. For instance, there's the idiotic way it's filmed. Basically you go from crime scene to crime scene and then in flashback you see the murder itself (in mind-numbing slow-motion). It's incredibly repetitive. And Willem Dafoe's character, the FBI agent who's assigned the case, is a cheap rip off of Gary Oldman's character in Leon – he listens to classical music as he puts everything together (he also reaches for the sky in ecstasy when he solves puzzles). But to try and add some colour, the character is gay. However, for some reason, despite being fierce Catholics, the brothers don't mind this fact. They call him a good man. Maybe it's because he's the sort of homosexual who just loves bum sex – he doesn't like hugging. But again, it's further evidence of the way the brothers pick and choose what's good and what's bad – of course, we all do this, but most of us aren't going to shoot people if we don't agree with their personal choices.

What's really bad, though, is the action. There's one scene where the brothers and their mate are standing there having a shoot-out with Billy Connolly. No one moves but even at point blank range no one can hit the target. And what makes it even more stupid is that Connolly's character is supposed to be a lethal killing machine (he's kept in prison like Hannibal Lector). Someone give him some shooting lessons.

And then there's the scene where the brothers fall out of an air duct, and hanging from a rope, manage to kill a bunch of gangsters. Only someone with an IQ lower than Forest Gump could find any merit in that.

And the less said about the scene where Defoe re-enacts a shoot-out by using his fingers as guns, the better.

But what makes this film so depressing is the canonization of the main characters. Troy Duffy (the writer-director) loves these guys. He thinks they're great. And he thinks we should feel the same way - we should think they're wonderful. So there's no objectivity here. There's only juvenile, masturbatory hero-worship. Now I'm sure some people would point to the end titles and say, well, what about the vox pops? Well, the couple of notes of criticism are so belated and lackluster that you can tell Duffy's heart isn't in it. You just know he's with these guys all the way. Anything they do is okay in his book.

But perhaps even more depressing than Duffy's hero-worship of his idiotic creations is the fact that the film has garnered a strong cult following. I have no idea what they see in the film, because all I see is rightwing religious claptrap fed to the audience through moronic characters and preposterous situations. To admit to liking this film is to admit to being an imbecile.

Films of the Decade: Crime

Overnight

The Boondock Saints

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